Man Bunn

There are two sides to every story… While mine doesn’t have the happiest of endings it was one of the best relationships I ever had.

I have many pictures and video footage of concerts and incredibly dope times in this relationship that I had to document it and recap the last 5 months of this beautiful relationship. He introduced me to new music, great conversation and overall how pleasant a relationship can be.  There is ultimately too much to share, but still  everyday I laugh about some of the shit we got ourselves into. Total inside joke, but we would ask people if they knew what Juneteenth was 🤷🏾‍♀️ and then play Kendrick Lamar’s track King Kunta. Ohhhhh…. the man can cook too! His family owned a restaurant for years and he’s worked in restaurants. I loved cooking with him, bouncing back and forth about ingredients and dancing; usually with half my clothes on while I cooked. I’ve never loved playing with anyones hair (while not working) as I did Taylor’s. I could go on and on.. He was my wild card, Love this Love story……….well not the ending.

December 17,2016

This day was interesting because I really wanted to go see Mos Def @ The Observatory in San Diego. I didn’t have anyone to go with and hadn’t had any plans for the evening so I kinda opted out on not going … I get a text from Kaity asking if she’s gonna bump into me @ Mos Def ? I respond with ” No, I would love to go, can I tag along?” I bought tickets last minute and met the girls …. Kaity, Sarah and Carla from high school and Dana a co-worker of Kaitys.I hadn’t seen them in forever so it was nice to catch up with everyone  Prior to this I had been openly dating and it was becoming a bit over whelming. I had not planned any dates on the weekend for I just wanted to chill out and just keep my options open.

Sara and I are in line at the bar and I see this guy who looked familiar … He looked  ike someone we went to high school with.. I was stoned did I mention that? Ha! I was just super relaxed and loving it… Im looking at this guy and just say “Do I know you?” he responds ” NO.” I’m like “Your looking at me like you know me….. I know, I know you from tinder?” He responds “Really?” Im like ughhh yes….. He responds ” I don’t have tinder.” short story shorter he’s at the concert alone so we invite him to hang with us.. His name is Taylor Pitrazelo he’s 29 and has the most beautiful blue eyes and this cute man bun.

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After the show he invites me to grab a bite to eat, We wait in line @ Luche Libre …I’m like lets go somewhere we’ve never been. We end up a couple restaurants down @ City Taco. We share small talk about shows. Definite attraction and connection happening … I mention Kaytranada; he’s not familiar so I tell him how he’s coming to town but I don’t have anyone to go with. We order, I grab a table, he returns with food and says ” I just bought Kaytranada tickets.. there’s are second date!” He read his bio while waiting for our order and was interested ….. we share our first kiss @ City Taco…We take things back to my place; that kiss, our energy, I wasn’t ready to end the night there…..His hair is long and he has this beautiful joshua tree tattooed on his entire back. Next morning, yeah yeah …I make coffee and ask him if he wants to go to the farmers market … We share stories about each other, we shop and check things out. We end up at the honey booth, we laugh as he comments “I had no idea someone cared so much about the honey and bees…” This is prevalent later. We head back to his car where we exchange that we enjoyed each others company and we’d like to see each other again…..

December 21,2016.  We make plans and see each other Tuesday….He shares with me He’s Bi. I ask him why was this important to share now, and he said” I want you to know right away.” we talk about how we both don’t want managomous relationships, we don’t want to get married and how we like the idea of dating more than one person…. We develop this casual relationship, Im interested in him. Im curious and want to know more.. We text back and forth and plan our next date after Christmas.. he reaches out and wants meet before our date; I imply its Christmas.  

December 25,2016 Short story short I invite him to my moms , I told him I bought this amazing roast for dinner and he should join.We exchange Christmas Selfies; I cant wait to see him. We smoke some pot, we play Wii bowling, and just enjoy each others company. Yeah there’s a random picture of that beautiful roast.

December29,2016  Kaytranada Concert and dinner @ Urban Solace.

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December 30,2016 We plan to see each other again as I invited him to my salon where I offered to cut his hair. He comes to the salon, felt nice to have him in my space. He asked me what my plans were for New Years …… I had plans to be in Seattle and that I’d love to see him when I return… I send him a New Years Card via snail mail. He appreciates the gesture ❤

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January 3,2017 I return from Seattle and I am so excited to see him, a client gave me a gift card to a handful of restaurants in SD. We pick this Italian restaurant in Hilcrest where we shared an awesome evening…I share with him I have a planned trip to Japan with the guy I visited in Seattle, but don’t feel comfortable traveling across the world t see someone i don’t intend on having a relationship with. He encourages me to travel alone and that it could be something I enjoy. The chemistry I have with him, and the way we flow and vibe, its something I want to explore further…. I really like him! Fast forward .. He invites me to his place to make me dinner .. Im so nervous like super nervous, I meet his roommate Dan and his friend Phat and its a super chill night. We smoke some pot, finish the Hip Hop Evolution documentary we started at a previous date and I jump up mid show and start dancing… Dancing turns into dance party , dance party turns into us making a hip hop playlist …. I wake up in the morning, mini panic attack because I really like him and Im just nervous because he’s opened me up to his world. I hadn’t been in relationships where men shared with me there space, not even my relationship with Jonathan…  I share with him my anxiety and how I just get really excited and anxious; it doesn’t seem to phase him.

January 7,11,14  I see him and whether it was stopping by for a quickie or a makeout sesssion, I was enthralled in him.

January 15,2017 He has a trip planned to Columbia for a week and I get a little nervous. Its like out of sight out of mind kinda things …. I ask him if he wants space and talk when he gets back. He was surprised I mentioned that, but at the end of the day its his trip and if he doesn’t want contact he doesn’t want contact ….. I get anxious after 3 days… I can’t sleep, I can’t stop thinking about him and Im just counting down the days that I get to see him again. He reaches out on day 4 in the evening and Im smitten.We see eachother

January 23,2017 We have a date when he returns @ The Lion Share on Monday evening.. we have amazing conversation and I share with him that I’d like to be in an open relationship with him… we talk about what that would be for us and he’s not exactly ready for a relationship.

January 27,2017 Friday we planned a meet ad greet with a local swingers community. We want to explore and experience new things together and this is the start of that. .. The night couldn’t have been more fun. While we stuck out because we are just so into eachother, and apparently its a small community and no-one has seen us around.We check things out and overall don’t have a successful night meeting anyone that we connect with .. We leave, head to city taco.. We laugh about the meet up  and just drunk talk about al sorts of stupid shit. We sit at the same table we did when we first went to City Taco and he opens up about how he’s falling in love with me….I cry and express I’m falling in love with him too.. He expresses he wants me to be his girlfriend and I hesitate. Monday he wasn’t ready and Friday he is.. He shares why he wants to be with me and I just can’t stop happily laughing. He wants to be in an open relationship with me. We both express this is new to us and we will explore the rules as we move forward.

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pretty much dring the first week of our relationship we figure out some base rules that we want as an open couple..1.)Don’t share with family, friends,co-workers the orientation of our relationship; this is kinda hard becasue obviously some poeple will know. 2.)Let eachother know beforehand when we have a date planned 3.) be respectful of eachther time.. As we move into the relationship we discuss getting std tested so we know where we are at andwhere we stand on a healthy note

January 31,2017 I get tested for all STD’s. we are in communication while im at planned parenthood and he specifically asks not to do any rapid testing. One thing I love about Taylor and maybe this is a weird topic to point it out at but he so smart. He researches everything and is very knowledgable on many topic. Very practical and insightful; Its so flattering!

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To be in love and not want to be apart … I loved spending time with him.. February is kinda a weird month because its this new love and new relationship but we had some pre planned trips so it made a nice time for us to get to know each other more and get into a groove. I love laying with him. He’s taller than guys I have dated in the past; so the way he wrapped his arms around me made me feel safe. I would brush his hair off his face, it was this thing I did that made me feel close to him. I grew to love his face,bone structure, lips the way, he looked at me… There wasn’t anything aestitically physical about him that I was attracted too, but him; his energy, made me so drawn to every part of him. He became the most beautiful person in my world……

So I had had this trip planned to Japan! I had never traveled alone and never backpacked so this was my opportunity. Taylor stayed with me the night before Japan and drove me to the airport

February 9,2017 

See Travel Blog

February 12,2017 Taylor installs security cameras in the salon while I’m traveling across the world. This was such a grand gesture and I’m impressed he can wire and do whatever that all entailed

February 16,2017 So this was interesting I came home early from Japan; Taylor and I had some slight issues with my arrival for you kinda time travel back from Japan so I was confused on what day I actually arrived. Taylor had had a date planned and to me I would have totally honored that, but it was a first date…. Absolutely not! It would be one thing if he had known this person and had developed a relationship but for it to be a new date; There is no history and no loyalty to someone new. He canceled, Im glad he saw my perspective. …

February 17,2017 Erykah Badu ! Taylor had always had tickets. I had seen her show back @ the Observatory In Orange County, it was so magical I was able to round up tickets and join Taylor at the show. We waited in the rain… So worth it! The show was magical as Kaity described and also mentioned ” I know your in love but your connection is so endearing…”  We had this sexiness about us that just radiated everywhere we went. I walked into a room with him and I was proud he was mine…IMG_7270

February 21,2017 I do this Oscar Pre-Show event for my moms company with Elena. We had done this the prior year and it was an amazing turn out; so we were invited back to represent the company of Dermesse Skin Care again.

I send Taylor selfies of me all dressed up.. He’s always so complimenting on how pretty I am. The day was successful but long and Elena and I head out. We stop at NOBU in Hollywood  for happy hour before hitting the road.

remember those STD tests? Taylor did his after me and his results came in…… He gave me the positive results as Elena and I were driving home… Syphillis; What the fuck is that ? I google that shit as my girlfriend drives home; I mini panic, I text him, I panic, I research…. I make sure my man is okay… I arrive in San Diego and head to him to see him in person…

February 22,2017 Mid day he texts saying second set of results come back Negative..We decide to retest and abstain until we get my new test results and he’s done with antibiotics … We have a great weekend listening to music, eating, gaming,food and just bask in each others amazingness. My attraction to him isn’t just physical…… I think I love him.

February 27,2017 I make an appointment at the county health department to get STD tested.. apparently because I’m cash paying( No health care) My doctor advises me to go to the county health department.  My appointment was for 10 a.m. I had no idea what I was in for … I was there until 4:30/4:45     OMG         Vaginal exam, anal Exam, hand and foot exam, mental exam and testing for all hepatitis… Ohhhh and the contact treat me for syphillis. 2 penicillin shots in my ass.. one in each cheek. I had to wait 20 minutes after to make sure I didn’t go into anaphylactic shock……WTF 

We meet at Alexanders for dinner; I wanted something quite and romantic and I’m so glad to see him after such an intrusive day. He was amazing,convesation was reassuring the foundation we are building is solid. Dinner was amazing and than all of the sudden Alexanders gets super busy and I  have an anxiety attack …. He takes me to dessert in Little Italy where we walk and run in the rain. He drops me off at my car and we re-connect around midnight where I have another panic attack about the days events. He walks in and still to this day I picture him; looking like Jesus with his  hair down. He had this look on his face that was so worried. I lay in bed; pupils enlarged and super embarrassed he’s seeing me like this. He compliments my pajamas, we laugh and he suggest The Gems (Steven Universe) I fall asleep …I wake up to him still awake; he wanted to make sure I was okay because my breathing seemed a little off to him…… I feel so safe and comfortable around him, my guard if I had one just collapses…. I’m falling SOOOO in love with this beautiful man. The way he looks at me, the way his skin touches mine, I am the luckiest girl in the world                                                                  ❤

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March was so fucking busy …..We planned all these amazing fun things in January in hopes we both would still be around; HA….. March was some of the best times in my life !

Taylor mentioned his brother many times and how he wanted to go to LA so I could meet him and his wife. SO nervous! I can’t remember the last time a boyfriend introduced me to family….

March4,2017 We laugh pretty much the whole drive up listening to stupid music like Master P and Slick Rick songs Taylor never heard. Meeting the brother and sister in law was so special to me. Sydney so sweet; kinda. She has this rigged approach while the brother is layed back as fuck. I love how Taylor and him interact.. We have this amazing dinner at a restaurant that reminds me of Japan with all the Bamboo. We head back to their apartment. Taylor mentions my stones and cards; Im kinda embarrassed. I don’t share my tarot and stones with everyone .. Trevor mentions he bought Sydney a deck but she never used its. Short story short I share the world of Tarot and stones and we play with her deck, I enjoy hanging out with her. I love the dynamic Taylor and his brother have. It was really nice for me to meet them, it made me feel special.so much fun this night ..

Candy MAY HAVE THROWN UP IN THE UBER … the uber driver took pictures; he was hysterical. I convinced him to take us home …As we get to Trever’s house, I have this crazy amount of energy, probably because low key I’m thinking” Thank god it wasn’t me!” where Taylor and I laugh our assess off and take a shower to wash out the puke in his hair…  We smoke pot….. We have the best highs EVER …. I thought I was floating, I knew my man was right beside me; we held hands, laughing ;everything was stupid funny.

March 6, 2017 I get my test results back and Im NEGATIVE of all std’s. We spend the night together and just love on each other. The way he holds me as we sleep is so sweet and he’ll repeat throughout the night I Love you He does this all the time when we are sleeping…

March 8,2017 BLACKLICIOUS So much fucking fun!!!!!! Im gonna be super honest ..I wasn’t that familiar with blackalicious, but I knew a little bit about them. I remember asking Tyler if he wanted to go, because I really wanted to see the casbah!

Blackalicious …..what a special show ! Blackalicious called us out  as we were leaving the venue. He said “we need more people like you in the crowd; Thats a lot of love going on there..” WOOOTY WOOT WOOT   We get in the car and are so hype from the show. We head back to my place

March 10&11,2017 Field trip to GELATO

March 12,2017  We redecorate the salon. Taylor mentioned pocking the holes in the shop and that led to deep cleaning, rearranging, new furniture. He is so talented and handy. I mean what doesn’t this man do? Im grateful he cares about my workspace. So very appreciative of him ❤

March15,2017

 I get the cutest text from Taylor during the day about this campaign cherrios is doing to bring back the bee’s. It was such a thoughtful gesture. I just love how attentive he isfullsizeoutput_2132

March 17,2017

March18,2017 Sea Mountain Inn …I love being in a car with this mutha fuckah. We drop the dogs at moms and we head to Palm Dessert. This story is just so special to me and the memories are so great. I don’t even know where to start on this trip. I’ll keep it to myself.

March 19,2017 Soul food Sunday and 2 of my favorite people are together …I usually spend every Sunday with my mom, and on the way home Tyler asks if we are gonna see her. We stop at moms for dinner and hang out.

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March 20,2017 Taylor had text me earlier in the month saying WU-Tang was going to be at the Observatory; I loose my ass and text back “WE HAVE TO GO!” his response ” I know,I bought us tickets!” I am super excited for I’ve never seen them in concert and they are my FAVORITE hip hop group. I check out the calendar  for the observatory and see that Little Dragon is coming in April and I text ” Babe Little Dragon, we have to go!” His response” I bought those tickets too.” I literally am so excited, I think I shared wth everyone my man is taking me to Wu-Tang!!

I had the best time ever! I managed to weave us up to the front where I screamed my face off!

March 24,2017 This night Taylor was so excited for, the fun thing about this concert is that Taylor asked me if I wanted to go to Common the first night I stayed at his place in January . I was so flattered that he had planned something with me a couple months out, It was promising. My client was actually going to be at this show so I was on the lookout for her. Tyler and I had known that Common was going to be playing at FLUXX later so when he cut the show short after an hour of performing we were pissed!

We head out and meet a friend of his at a little divey bar in North Park, Her name was Tilly, I wasn’t really a fan of her. I was in the bathroom and when I returned she was talking about some woman how how they are all about make-up and hair and kinda mocking them along with some other things that actually pertained to me as a person.. It rubbed me the wrong way. I was respectful went back to her place, smoked some pot, walked to mexican food .. super chill night

March26,2017 I could tell that Taylor needed space especially after  being so inseperable the last month. I asked him if he needed space and when he said he did I turned into a complete brat.. I kinda threw it back in his face; I planned 3 dates over the weekend.. It was the first time that I told him I was going on a date verses asking him if it was okay. Super Dick move on my behalf but I felt like I was protecting myself from who nows fucking what…

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Is this to good to be true or what ? I feel like this is the first time I am in a relationship that is ultimately what I want. Most people won’t be able to understand this and that’s not our problem or our place to explain to people our relationship. Thats why theres rule #1.We makes new rule after this conversation 4.) No sleepovers moving forward.

end of March I mentioned to Taylor I had been having more anxiety attacks and I’m going to change my medication.  I have always been on some sort of Depression/ Anxiety medication, I don’t don’t like to be medicated but I need something to balance me out. I know the transition is gonna have me in my head but I know him and I can power thru it.

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 April 2,2017 We spend this Sunday at my moms she makes steaks and we have a satisfying relaxing day

The week of April 3-8, 2017  This week was great; Tyler had plans over the weekend for his cousins Bachelor party he insists we hang during the week. I was prepared not to see him over the weekend. Im super cool with where we are at and plan to hang with my mom and leave Saturday open.

April 8,2017 After work I hang with a friend I met through Taylor named Christy. We are drinking wine, smoking pot and laughing our asses off at the most stupid shit. The night before he reached out and I was all giddy. Same thing this night It was cute I was getting messages from Taylor while he was out with the boys; Im flattered. I crash in her guest room.

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April 9,2017 I get to Taylor mid day for I was kinda lagging and was kinda hung from the night before. When I get to his place he’s sleeping and I can’t help but laugh as he’s sweating his ass off. I sit in his grandpas chair and read my magazines quietly . He wakes  up and sees me; the look on his face, the excitement in his eyes; I thought to myself I’ll come over every time he’s sleeping just to see a that look on his face. It was sweet, he calls me to him and we just cuddle even though he’s sweaty. I brought him a smoothie, I run to the kitchen and grab it out of the fridge. I set it on the night stand, hop back in bed and whisper “Yo rockstar drink up!” We nap together and wake up and have the most amazing sex… I fuckin love this guy! I head home and plan to see him later in the week ❤

April 10,2017 I wake up and am like Fuck I gotta get Plan B(morning after pill) My head is super cloudy and I feel like I’m stating to acclimate to my new meds. Overall  I don’t feel well. Im kinda nauseated and sweaty and feel like fucking shit.I have the day off. I ask Tyler out on a date and try to focus on something Happy because the thoughts going through my head are super fucked up. Vivid suicidal thoughts, panic, confusion. I’m not okay  but re-read all the side effects and know Im gonna be okay, I know I got this.

April 11,2017  I plan the dopest date, Comedy show and The newest hot spot in San Diego  The Oxford @ The Pendry Hotel. He said I could surprise him so I’m super excited about this. I’ve never really surprised anyone. I hope he likes it.

April 12,2017 Taylor comes over after I get off work and brings me red roses. I’m super relaxed on the couch and am feeling tired so he makes dinner. I read a meditation book and just relax on the couch. He brought 2 bottles of wine, we just hang out. We have the most amazing sex.. Taylor words “Impressive” tee he he. We can’t sleep……….. We both toss and turn; I kinda think to myself we haven’t really slept next to each other in over a week, No big deal.

April 13,2017 This is where it all went south .. Mid day I ask Taylor a question and I don’t care for the answer so I don’t answer.. I wish I would have never said anything….fullsizeoutput_2228

I was super bitch and didn’t respect his answer. I call him and we talk on the phone, I come to and say “Im sorry! I really need learn how to respond to you when you say something I don’t agree with.” We aren’t always going to agree on things but I said some things should be left unsaid…”I thought his comment on not being with someone forever was rude… We end the conversation and I thank him in a text for calling me back and overall for talking to me. I didn’t feel like the talk was the best but I felt better talking to him.

I wake up @ 2 a.m. with the craziest panic attack. I was having these crazy dreams and I call Taylor. He doesn’t answer; because well its fucking 2 a.m.  I grab my lap top and start writing Tyler an email walking him through what was happening. My feelings, whats happening in my mind ,New Depression meds, Plan B, New Birth Control. I can’t help what’s happening inside my head. I ask him for support during this time and I hope that me expressing these thoughts brings us closer and not further apart. I actually felt so much better getting this out and can finally go back to sleep.

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He comes over after work where I give him the funniest card. He laughs asks me where I find this shit.. 2 minutes later he breaks up with me He says ” I need space and I don’t want to be in a relationship.” I look at him and am so confused. I say ” What is happening ? What are you doing?”  I text Jaxx ” He broke up with me, please come get me”  I get up and straddle him on the couch and say ” Tyler baby please don’t do this!”  He lays back away from me and I’m thinking oh shit, I’m loosing my man… I lay on top of him holding him crying. I loose my shit. I am pacing back and forth crying, I’m so irrational and confused and overall have no control over my emotions. I try to come to but I am just a mess. Im on my knees begging him not to leave me. I tell him he’s making the biggest mistake of his life… Looking back and typing this now I feel so pathetic and can’t believe my actions.  I ask him how much space he needs and he says a week.  He waits with me until Jax arrives, I tell him I can’t be alone at the moment I just need support.. He grabs his things.  Jaxx arrives and I’m a mess. My whole world at that moment is over. I go to work the next day like nothing happened. I talked to clients and lied as if we were still together. I take Christi out that night on Taylor’s date and we get fucking wasted .

April 16,2017 (Easter)   My mom comes down because I’m so sad and can’t get out of bed.Long story short that I’m not going into…..I have to reach out to Taylor. He understands the circumstance and helps me through it. I tell him I’m sorry I reached out during his time of space. I apologize about asking him about the future after I knew it was something he didn’t like discuss. I imply that maybe I was asking questions I should ask 2 years into the relationship not 4 months he replies ” It was a bit much.” I can’t undo anything now and I know I just have to honor his space the rest of the week. I ask him to send me the Little Dragon tickets for the show that evening and he texts “He’ll send me mine and that he still plans on going …” Seriously? The guy cant even be my friend ? narcacist;whatever, I mean he did buy his ticket! I thought to myself; If I can travel to Japan alone I can go to a concert alone.. I get there 2 songs in, I grab a drink and get lost in the crowd. I sing, I dance and just enjoy the show by myself. I head out right before the encore. I wait near the door. I buy a shirt and a record and leave right before the last song is over. I cry as I walk home.

April 21,2017 I made plans with a client & Angel friend Kitty to go to this event @ the Del Mar Fair grounds. I told her I’d pick her and her friend up at the train station so we can all arrive together.. He calls right before the train arrives and tells me his feelings are still the same as they were last Friday and he; NO LONGER WANTS TO PURSUE ME……. My heart breaks again and the phone call is over. I text asking if I could stop by his place  after the event to get my things …. He says Sunday; I say tomorrow …. I get home from the event and go straight to bed around 830; I’m fucking devastated……. I cry my fucking eyes out.  I wake around 2 a.m and feel so sad. I sleep and sleep and cry; I  just wanna die; literally.

I just want hold onto him so bad. I actually go to his place and get my things. I ask for closure. He tells me he’s not in love with me the way that I’m in love with him. I ask to be his friend he says ” I don’t know!” I said I have never begged a man not leave me and I’m definitely not going to beg someone to be my friend. I say “I’d hope you can come to a point where we could be friends because I would love to still have you in my life.”  I look at him with what feels like the most devastated face ” I say I have a 3 day pass to my first music festival and honestly your the only person I want to go with.” I remind him of all the artist we have seen that will be at the festival and he doesn’t flinch. “Taylor its almost a $400 ticket for 3 days I’d hope you can consider being my friend……”

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He walks me to my car and asks me how work was…is he fucking for real? I tell him ” I couldn’t go.” he asks “Why?” I explained to him how I need to be on when I’m working and right now I’m so lost and the only thing I can do is sleep… I don’t think he’s processed how fucking hurt I am. He hugs me and we part ways. I cry driving home…..

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When someone says that you can’t respond! I cry all fucking day long….

April 27,2017  My friend Amber who’s an amazing life coach reaches out to me in the morning. I tell her how things went down and can actually tell the story without getting too upset. I tell her I’m writing a blog documenting this love and that it’s helping me get thru it. She tells me sometimes when your in love and give yourself entirely to someone they don’t have the life experience to receive it. She says “Anne you know what you want and you feel so passionately that that can scare people, It just means he’s in a different space than you and that he can’t understand let alone reciprocate the same feelings.” “He may never feel what you feel and when he does; he will remember you.” These words meant so much to me. She said be grateful you can give yourself to someone because most people can’t ….. Today was the first day I could smile and laugh about the breakup… I  am becoming content with never hearing from Taylor Pitrazelo . It hurts because I thought he was more openminded let alone open to the connection we had, but we can’t force people into our paradigms ❤

He went from 100 to ZERO real quick.. I’m still kinda in shock.